PC

Steve Ballmer Escapes Padded Room! (Leaves Gates and ShareHolders Embarassed, Crying)

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I have it on good authority that Steve “Monkeyman” Ballmer has managed to escape out of his padded cell once again, proving that locked doors, straight-jackets, and a combination of haldol and methotrimeprazine strong enough to sedate an elephant will NOT hold the biggest Microsoft booster down.

Yesterday morning, while getting his morning medications, we understand Mr. Ballmer overheard his nurses discussing the placid horror that were the “Jerry Seinfeld Ads“. Not aware that new ones were scheduled, or perhaps, intuitively guessing that ones were being planned, he quickly overpowered his nurses and armed guards. Via security cameras he can be seen shaking off his straight jacket, wrist cuffs, ankle cuffs, and muzzle with alarming alacrity and the ease of a modern day Houdini, all the while yelling to no one in particular, “Bill? BILL! We can do it together, buddy! We can take those SMUG motherfuckers DOWNNNNN!”

Sure enough, Mr. Ballmer made it down to studio lot 9A, where he managed to find some equipment to tape his latest ad, and before he was found, tackled, shackled, and manacled he somehow managed to upload it onto the new promotional site for “I am a PC”.

Microsoft shares fell 25% in after hours trading upon hearing that Mr. Ballmer was able to escape his room once again, and on the notice that the video was being spread virally throughout the net. Bill Gates, whilst in the middle of prepping UFC Champ Rashad Evans for a new promo was once again thought to be “mortified” again for his old friend. He was, on the other hand, happy to administer the last push of diazepam himself to get Mr. Ballmer settled back in his old cell.

Out of respect for Mr. Ballmer’s achievements at Microsoft, and a sensitivity to those afflicted with mental illness we are not posting the video. But we will point you to a site that will, which is over here.

© 2008 TekPopuli.